Dating Commentator Pillows

"Actually, I was looking for someone with a prehensile mind."

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

'You will never require the services of a dating agency.'

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

"I don't see what you see in him."

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

"Now who's being judgy?"

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

'I'm no good at sports, so I'll just have to settle for a trophy wife.'

"And he's caring and honest and gentle..." "I'd do her."

'We have separate bedrooms because I snore and because I can't stand the sight of her.'

"I liked you better as my first husband."

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

"Check this out - I think the guy behind us just got lucky!"

Bread Winner-Need More Dough

"I don't want to get too serious."