Dating Scene Commentator Pillows

'I'm looking for a new wife - or one in mint condition.'

"Ruby, get your tail - feathers in here. . . some loser has sent us his plume pics!"

"She's just being Koi."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

'He had bulging muscles and a wallet to match!'

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

Alligator Bars

'You will never require the services of a dating agency.'

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

"Now who's being judgy?"

'Complements of the big smelly gentleman.'

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

"I don't see what you see in him."

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

"So, tell me, how many guys have you slept with?"

'I'm no good at sports, so I'll just have to settle for a trophy wife.'

'You were wrong, Bob, that wasn't her come-hither look!'

'We have separate bedrooms because I snore and because I can't stand the sight of her.'

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

He's Tasty!

Bread Winner-Need More Dough

"I don't want to get too serious."

"I married him for his intelligence, turns out that was artificial as well!"

'Will you marry me, Miss?'

'Yes, I need to move: I'm starting to have a reputation on the bachelor scene here...'

Dorothy and the singles bar

Listen, I'm looking for more than just a roll in the mud!