Relationship Advice Columnist Pillows

Anne didn't see the relationship as being over....

"Tara would be such a great girl if she didn't have that, CHIP, on her shoulder."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

'You know too much!'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Sometimes I like to come here by myself and contemplate ... or just scream about you."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

WHO checklist

"If you don't stop saying 'This whole game is a charade!' we're going home."

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

Preying mantis marriage councellor.

"It will be all your fault."

(Diamonds shining, … Dancing, dining, …with some man in a restaurant. Is that all you really want?) (Are you making this up?) (Unsophisticated Lady)

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

A Reasonable Time for Concern

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

'How long have you been fighting?'

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

'If you're using this for research into your next book then you can sleep in the spare room!'