Relationship Advice Guru Pillows

Teenage breakup.

"I want you to give up wine and women�you can still sing."

'I AM a nurturing guy. Dump me and you'll find I nurse a grudge forever!'

"Help! I'm being held prisoner! Set me free!!!"

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"We've discovered they mate for life, as long as they don't discuss politics."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'You know too much!'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

Frank was certain his Bird of Paradise mating dance would press all the right buttons with Margaret.

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

Relationship Warning Lights

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"I think we'd make a good team!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

$1: Family Secrets

"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."