Relationship Advice Pillows

"It may surprise you to know that, contrary to your experience, you're actually very happily married."

"Don't think of it as divorce, Henry. Think of it as freedom...the next time you cheat on me with your secretary, it won't be cheating anymore."

A man and woman face each other in profile. A diagram of their brains shows their desires.

'We're only staying together for the kids we hope to have one day.'

'We need to talk....' - 'Oh no.'

"Maybe you ought to consider making love in the morning - before you have a chance to piss each other off."

"Let me interrupt your expertise with my confidence."

"The truth is, I don't even know who you are anymore. Let's see some ID."

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

'If you're not busy....any chance of a coffee ?'

"I need something that says, 'I'm sorry about that thing I said that caused you to totally overreact.' "

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

"Look at you—folding the laundry two days before couples therapy."

"Oh, there's nothing really wrong with our marriage. We'd just like to figure out a way to monetize it."

'Sure, men have feelings too - but who really cares.'

A Reasonable Time for Concern

"So she left you. Maybe it wasn't your fault. Sometimes circumstances are beyond your lack of self-control."

'I'm sorry, Frank, but I think I need some space.'

'Really? My goodness, you learn something new every day in this job!'

'Would it kill him to be on the bottom for once?'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

What a weird way to start a conversation

"There's an article in here that explains why you're such an idiot."

'Get his mind off batting by talking about his investments and marital problems.'

'You know, I'll be honest...I don't think you two mix very well with one another.'

"You're taking my blatant lies out of context."

"Mr. and Mrs. Charming?"

"It would be nice if we had marriage equality within our marriage."

'We never agree about anything.'

"I married you for your money, Leonard. Where is it?"

Your wife is not responding.

'I'll never understand women.' - 'Even if you did you wouldn't believe it.'

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

'I see the glass as half-full. Whereas he sees the glass and blames me for the naked man hiding in the closet.'

"I can explain everything."