Relationship Advice Reader Pillows

"I'm not sure why my marriage ended. I'm still waiting for the forensic report."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

'You know too much!'

Try Mediation

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Window Treatment

"Sometimes I like to come here by myself and contemplate ... or just scream about you."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"My computer just texted me."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

WHO checklist

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"If you don't stop saying 'This whole game is a charade!' we're going home."

"...and do you agree to accept him as he is, and not try to change him?"

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

Preying mantis marriage councellor.

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

Hollywood Breakup

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"It will be all your fault."

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'