Relationship Advice Gifts

"It may surprise you to know that, contrary to your experience, you're actually very happily married."

"Don't think of it as divorce, Henry. Think of it as freedom...the next time you cheat on me with your secretary, it won't be cheating anymore."

A man and woman face each other in profile. A diagram of their brains shows their desires.

'We're only staying together for the kids we hope to have one day.'

'We need to talk....' - 'Oh no.'

"Maybe you ought to consider making love in the morning - before you have a chance to piss each other off."

"Let me interrupt your expertise with my confidence."

"The truth is, I don't even know who you are anymore. Let's see some ID."

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

"I need something that says, 'I'm sorry about that thing I said that caused you to totally overreact.' "

'If you're not busy....any chance of a coffee ?'

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

'Sure, men have feelings too - but who really cares.'

'With him taking viagra and you taking prozac, I don't know what the problem could be...'

"Oh, there's nothing really wrong with our marriage. We'd just like to figure out a way to monetize it."

"Look at you—folding the laundry two days before couples therapy."

A Reasonable Time for Concern

'Really? My goodness, you learn something new every day in this job!'

"So she left you. Maybe it wasn't your fault. Sometimes circumstances are beyond your lack of self-control."

'I'm sorry, Frank, but I think I need some space.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

What a weird way to start a conversation

"There's an article in here that explains why you're such an idiot."

'Get his mind off batting by talking about his investments and marital problems.'

'We weren't compatible. I'm all Facebook while he's so Myspace.'

'You know, I'll be honest...I don't think you two mix very well with one another.'

"You're taking my blatant lies out of context."

'Would it kill him to be on the bottom for once?'

"It would be nice if we had marriage equality within our marriage."

'My wife and I had a big fight last night.'

"I can explain everything."

"I know you would really like me if I could just be myself, but since this is our first date and I'm incredibly nervous, you won't be seeing the real me because I can't be myself when I'm this nervous, so all I ask is that you try to like this me until I calm down and the real me emerges."

"You've got to admit, Mrs. McCoy. Your husband had a point when he said you like to beat a dead horse..."

'I've been a marriage counselor for 20 years, but I've never seen a case quite like this one!'

'Learn the direction of your wife's mood with the new GPMS.'