Relationship Advice Giver Gifts

Hi, Ms. Inchworm - How's the romance with that centipede? We broke up. He wanted me to convert to metric.

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

Relationship Warning Lights

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"We've discovered they mate for life, as long as they don't discuss politics."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

'You know too much!'

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

Frank was certain his Bird of Paradise mating dance would press all the right buttons with Margaret.

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"I think we'd make a good team!"

Try Mediation

$1: Family Secrets

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

Window Treatment

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."