Relationship Advice Guru Gifts

Teenage breakup.

"I want you to give up wine and women�you can still sing."

'I AM a nurturing guy. Dump me and you'll find I nurse a grudge forever!'

"Help! I'm being held prisoner! Set me free!!!"

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

'You know too much!'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

Frank was certain his Bird of Paradise mating dance would press all the right buttons with Margaret.

Relationship Warning Lights

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"We've discovered they mate for life, as long as they don't discuss politics."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"I think we'd make a good team!"

$1: Family Secrets

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

"If you let down your guard, I'll walk over the moat."

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."