Relationship Gurus Gifts

Jigsaw puzzle shaped speech balloons.

Part of the Solution/Part of the Problem.

"Face it - there is no good time to get married, have children, and move to Jersey."

"I now pronounce you a husband-and-wife team."

'There are lots of fish in the sea.'

'For a long and happy marriage, my advice to the groom is to always say 'okay, buy it'.'

'Our secret? Medicinal sex.'

"If we all waited for Mr Right to come along the human race would be extinct by now."

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

The normal response is 'I Do'. Not, 'I Suppose So'.

'We have a love-hate relationship. He's madly in love with me, and I hate his guts.'

'The Thurstons have been working on their marriage.'

A trompe l'oeil husband

'It must be love - whenever you're near, I find myself submerging ego...'

Adam and Eve: Reconcilable Differences

'The word is 'hubby', not 'tubby'.'

"I never go to bed with a man on the first date...so we'll have to make do with the sofa!"

A bore of batchelors

Preying mantis marriage councellor.

Guru's Universal Answer

'Why darling, I'll need more time to consider! Why, darling, I'll need more time to consider!'

'Well, in all my years as a relationships adviser, this is the first time I've had to admit defeat within the first five minutes!'

Choosing washing up liquid - "You choose, it's your department."

'We believe in resolving a problem as soon as it arises.'

"I love sleeping with old men. . .They always think it may be their last time."

"We'll make faster progress if you both stop referring to your marriage as - day 6802 of a hostage situation."

"Go on, pick a card - I'm trying to put some magic back into our marriage."

"It doesn't look good. They asked for separate checks."

Express Therapy

"Marriage isn't easy. I don't like your father's bullishness and he can't tolerate my lactose, but we make it work."

Sulking

"I'm sure you'll recall my husband once he starts speaking. His high pitched whine is unforgettable."

"It's all about compromise. He's not dishwasher safe and I'm not microwave safe, but we make it work."

Ask Sadie. I am getting divorced and I moved to Vegas. Do you think that's a smart move? - Jim. *Actual reader letter. Jim, this is a great question. One I get all the time. You do? Really? Oh yes, people are always asking me for my advice after they've already done something. You're about to yell. What do you need me for if you've already moved, you !@#$ dillweed? She gives that answer all the time.

"Oh, great—here comes my ex, try not to act so bald..."