Dating Guru Gifts

The Neuro — The First Official Worldwide Currency

Rookie mistake...

"You're so out of your league, I'm like, 'super popular' on social media."

Peacock Preening

"When you break up with a guy, do you just tell him or preface it with a spoiler alert."

Men in women's 101

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

'It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere. I mean, when was the last time you saw a mummy-long-legs?'

Catch and release dating.

'Phil is my boyfriend an dthese two are my wannabe's.'

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

'Clarence wondered why he hadn't switched to that new aftershave sooner'

"Excuse me ladies but did I hear you say you love salmon?"

'Seems a bit drastic, don't you think?'

'May you have the last dance? You've just had it!'

"I don't go in for small talk."

'-and once you've got him add five parts water and it will last for AGES!'

By borrowing his niece every Friday night, Vern had found a surefire way to meet women.

"Tell her you're impotent and she'll she'll try to prove you wrong."

"I was too late, Cruz. I waited too long to ask Estella out. You know, sometimes you have to act fast...or lose that one special thing you've been waiting for."

"I'm curious. Why did you toss a coin just before you came over here and asked us if we'd like a drink?"

"Just so you know, I don't hiss on the first date."

"Lets put it this way: have you ever taken a bath without actually stepping into the tub?"

"Yes I do like intelligent women - what a stupid question!"

"How did your double date go?"

"I had a do not call list before the telemarketers had one."

"I'm a five-times-a-night man."

"ALL men are animals dear - but some just make better pets. . .!"

Pinocchio on a date: "Before this goes any further, you should know that I've got fungal rot."

"Don't wag your tail. It shows you're desperate."

"I'm sorry! I have to say it! He's too old for you!"

'I don't think we should rush into anything. Let's exchange photos first.'

"I never said we were exclusive. Think of me as a time-share."

"This is Stan, my latest project."

"I converse. You declaim."