Relationship Columnist Pillows

Colin knew things were going well when he saw his date trying to make him jealous.

'Instead of nagging you, Walter, I've decided to write a syndicated column!'

"When I come to edit my life, this will be a deleted scene."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"That was Copernicus on the phone – he says you're NOT the centre of the universe!"

"My wife says she wants you to make me fit for purpose."

' You're wonderful.' 'I know.'

"He was a rescue."

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'man trouble? What you need is a big piece of cake.'

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

"But in the dream, ha ha, your family was normal, even that sociopath little brother of yours."

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.