Couple Humor Seeker Pillows

"I almost lost my husband...but just my luck he found me!"

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Stand-up Romcom

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"Sounds like you've both been pushing each others' buttons."

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

"Yes, we did try to save our marriage. But, then he ran off with the marriage guidance counsellor."

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

"Oh my gosh babe! These cute little otters want us to play with them."

"Sorry. No refunds."

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'...I love it when you talk dirty!'

'She'll take my name? How do I know this isn't just an identity theft scheme?'

"Perhaps you should call your mother - I think the tide would like to come in."

'He owns a bank. I've always been attracted to loaners.'

'I'm gonna go slip into something less comfortable.'

I'm used to seeing crocodile tears when I tell off a man in this bar, but this is the first time I've seen crocodile exclamation points. ! !

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."

"You'd better switch off your personal alarm I don't want to to disturb your parents."

'Wait a minute, this prescription is for a dozen oysters and half an ounce of powdered rhino horn!'