Dating With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

"I probably should have mentioned that I'm allergic to cats, Albert. . ."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

Skeleton playing fetch.

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

'What really stung is when they wanted the Magna Carta notarized!'

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

He's Tasty!

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"I'm sure my parents will love you, but for the time being, let's not mention that you're genetically modified."

Chameleon in a bar.

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"

Dear Diary....I'll never, ever, go on a blind date again!

'Like I said in the ad - GSOH.'

"I brought Tom home to my parents and left him there."

"If you want to charge a man for sex, you have to do it like everyone else - slowly, over time, beginning with dinner."

Another last "first date" for Daphne "...and here's kitty peeking out of a shoe box. Oh! And here he is playing with a dead birdie! Oh how cute! Here's Kitty looking around a corner! And..."

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."

"Sorry, I don't date older men."