Humor In Dating Gifts

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

"Where did you say you went to culinary school?"

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

"Fancy crashing at my pad later, babe?"

"You need a mint."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"My glass is half empty"

He's Tasty!

"So Dave - did you get lucky? Dave....? Dave...?"

'Listen I think we should break up...it's not you... it's that thing on your face.'

Your lips still say "No," but you started out with six exclamation points above your head and now you're down to one. !

"Honey, guess what? My therapist finally got me to cry!"

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

Another last "first date" for Daphne "...and here's kitty peeking out of a shoe box. Oh! And here he is playing with a dead birdie! Oh how cute! Here's Kitty looking around a corner! And..."

Of course my love is unconditional! We put it in the pre-nup, remember?

"And will you, Lee, take Mimi for granted as long as you both shall live."

'I feel sorry for you single people. Nobody to go home to fight with.'

"I probably should have mentioned that I'm allergic to cats, Albert. . ."

Dear Diary....I'll never, ever, go on a blind date again!

"Sorry, I don't date older men."

'This is not what I meant when I said we were going dutch.'

"Ed lives somewhere in the midwest and Jim settled out on the west coast, so I don't see them much anymore."

'Our life is so predictable...' - 'I knew you would say that...'

'I've been living out of a tin since my wife left me.'

'You certainly are a lady-killer - I'm almost starved to death!'

"Well of course I'm nervous....what if I chat her up only to find out she's my ex?"

'I know you've heard about how we roosters get around, but believe me, I'm a one-chicken guy.'