Humor In Relationships Gifts

"Harold, are my knees bumpy?"

"You knew I was grounds for divorce when you married me."

"And will you, Lee, take Mimi for granted as long as you both shall live."

"Do you want to be comforted or do you want to just starfish this one out?"

'Why aren't you out moonlighting?'

'Three guys. Is that all you've had?'

'She's flat broke hoping to become flat rich!'

'I'm sorry, sir, but affirmative action guidelines require that your first date be a Nepalese pastry cook.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

Tattoo Exs

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Reading the sports pages.

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

Aging Problems

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'