Humor About Relationships Gifts

"My heart says no, my head says maybe, my you-know-what says yes."

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Reading the sports pages.

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Aging Problems

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'His ego needs lipo suction!'