Modern Relationships Humor Gifts

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Life is for the birds.

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

Reading the sports pages.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

Always Compatible

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"