Humorous Relationship Insights Gifts

"When I first met him, he wanted to change the world for me. Now, I'm lucky if I can get him to change his underpants."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

Reading the sports pages.

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

Aging Problems

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Bowling. 24 Lanes. Going bowling for date night with my girlfriend as a bad idea. A split was inevitable.

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

Hello, Susie, it's R

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

"At first, Dwayne's gymnastic prowess had mesmerized Sarah, but now she longed for more..."