Humor In Relationships Prints

"Harold, are my knees bumpy?"

"You knew I was grounds for divorce when you married me."

"And will you, Lee, take Mimi for granted as long as you both shall live."

"Do you want to be comforted or do you want to just starfish this one out?"

'Why aren't you out moonlighting?'

'Three guys. Is that all you've had?'

'She's flat broke hoping to become flat rich!'

'I'm sorry, sir, but affirmative action guidelines require that your first date be a Nepalese pastry cook.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

Tattoo Exs

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Reading the sports pages.

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

Aging Problems

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Bowling. 24 Lanes. Going bowling for date night with my girlfriend as a bad idea. A split was inevitable.

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

'Have you beed seeing other females?'