Humor In Love Pillows

"Must you sing, 'I'm in the mood for love' everytime you want sex?"

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

Sexual chemistry set

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

Reading the sports pages.

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

Aging Problems

His and Hers Wedding

'Will you marry me, Gloria?'

'Marry me, and make me the happiest man in the world.' 'You want BOTH?!'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

"Let's take in a trial."

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

"At first, Dwayne's gymnastic prowess had mesmerized Sarah, but now she longed for more..."

"I've never felt this close to anyone before!"

"We never talk anymore."

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"