Humor Love Pillows

'To this century's most obnoxious party guest...'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

Sexual chemistry set

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Reading the sports pages.

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

Aging Problems

'Will you marry me, Gloria?'

"Only one of us can be 'The Funny One'."

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

His and Hers Wedding

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

Bowling. 24 Lanes. Going bowling for date night with my girlfriend as a bad idea. A split was inevitable.

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'