Love Life Humor Gifts

'Let's go upstairs and make love. I can't do both.'

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Reading the sports pages.

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Aging Problems

His and Hers Wedding

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Let's take in a trial."

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

"At first, Dwayne's gymnastic prowess had mesmerized Sarah, but now she longed for more..."

"We never talk anymore."

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."