Laughing At Love Life Gifts

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

"I need to tinkle."

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Missing my hair.

'Can't you give the dummy mouth to mouth without getting romantically involved Mrs Wilks?'

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

"Must you sing, 'I'm in the mood for love' everytime you want sex?"

"Of course you still make me laugh, just not out loud."

"Our violinist isn't here tonight, but Tony here will be happy to play something romantic on his cymbals for you."

Female nail has been hammered in. Says to male nail: 'Sorry, I have a headache.'

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

'Let's go upstairs and make love. I can't do both.'

Emotional Incontinence - Emotional Illiteracy

'Your extensive anxiety condition was brought about by worrying about a national health plan.'

'Oh dear.'

'Fang, what do you think the chances are that I'll marry that girl second from the end on 'Deal or No Deal'?'

"I take her out every night, but she keeps on coming back."

"When water turns into ice, which of its physical properties increases?"

'Carol, get your protective headphones on'

Truck collision due to incompetence

"And so now I'm supposed to be the faithful companion who goes for help?"

"It means he likes you."

'The good news is your ailment is named after me, the bad news is there is no cure,'

Seductive lines that just don't cut it.

General Dentistry.

"Arthur and I have been together now for four and a half years, which is a personal best for both of us."

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

"My heart says no, my head says maybe, my you-know-what says yes."

"Of course - as a private patient you'd get little extras-like anaesthetic..."

New Graduate: Entering real life.

'Was that you who screamed?' - 'No, the dentist.'