Laughing At Life's Struggles Gifts

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

"I need to tinkle."

Missing my hair.

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

'Well sure, YOU'VE got brakes on FOUR wheels!'

'Wow! Where'd you come from?'

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

Emotional Incontinence - Emotional Illiteracy

Shoveling Snow

'Your extensive anxiety condition was brought about by worrying about a national health plan.'

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

'Oh dear.'

Bad sea-legs

"When water turns into ice, which of its physical properties increases?"

"So you turned off the power, huh?"

'Bill got sacked, sleeps on a park bend and eats dog food. He's the most motivational speaker we've ever had.'

"And so now I'm supposed to be the faithful companion who goes for help?"

'These shooting sticks are not very comfortable!'

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

'Then again, it probably wasn't that bad. I do tend to exaggerate.'

'The good news is your ailment is named after me, the bad news is there is no cure,'

General Dentistry.

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

'Not only did life pass me by, it HIP-CHECKED me!'

'I hope you haven't been picking at it.'

"Of course - as a private patient you'd get little extras-like anaesthetic..."

Insurance Claims Offices: Push and Pull the Other One!

New Graduate: Entering real life.

'Was that you who screamed?' - 'No, the dentist.'