Laughing At Life's Struggles Gifts

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

"I need to tinkle."

Missing my hair.

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

'Well sure, YOU'VE got brakes on FOUR wheels!'

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

I don't understand why I need a referral from my primary-care doctor to see a specialist I've already seen, who told me himself to come back for a follow-up visit. That's just the way it works. You'll also need a referral from your tailor before we can put you in a hospital gown.

'Wow! Where'd you come from?'

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

Emotional Incontinence - Emotional Illiteracy

Shoveling Snow

'Your extensive anxiety condition was brought about by worrying about a national health plan.'

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

'Oh dear.'

Bad sea-legs

"So you turned off the power, huh?"

"When water turns into ice, which of its physical properties increases?"

'Carol, get your protective headphones on'

'Bill got sacked, sleeps on a park bend and eats dog food. He's the most motivational speaker we've ever had.'

'I don't want to catch whatever the heck you've got.'

Truck collision due to incompetence

"And so now I'm supposed to be the faithful companion who goes for help?"

'These shooting sticks are not very comfortable!'

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

'Then again, it probably wasn't that bad. I do tend to exaggerate.'

'The good news is your ailment is named after me, the bad news is there is no cure,'

General Dentistry.

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

'Not only did life pass me by, it HIP-CHECKED me!'

'I hope you haven't been picking at it.'

"Of course - as a private patient you'd get little extras-like anaesthetic..."

Insurance Claims Offices: Push and Pull the Other One!

New Graduate: Entering real life.

'Was that you who screamed?' - 'No, the dentist.'