Laughing Through Life's Hurdles Gifts

New Graduate: Entering real life.

"I need to tinkle."

Missing my hair.

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

'Well sure, YOU'VE got brakes on FOUR wheels!'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

I don't understand why I need a referral from my primary-care doctor to see a specialist I've already seen, who told me himself to come back for a follow-up visit. That's just the way it works. You'll also need a referral from your tailor before we can put you in a hospital gown.

'Wow! Where'd you come from?'

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

Emotional Incontinence - Emotional Illiteracy

'I'll have to reschedule your appointment -- the doctor had an attack of squeamishness.'

'Your extensive anxiety condition was brought about by worrying about a national health plan.'

'Oh dear.'

Bad sea-legs

"When water turns into ice, which of its physical properties increases?"

"So you turned off the power, huh?"

'Carol, get your protective headphones on'

Truck collision due to incompetence

'These shooting sticks are not very comfortable!'

"And so now I'm supposed to be the faithful companion who goes for help?"

'Actually, the pain is just nature's way of keeping you humble.'

'The good news is your ailment is named after me, the bad news is there is no cure,'

General Dentistry.

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

'Not only did life pass me by, it HIP-CHECKED me!'

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

'I hope you haven't been picking at it.'

"Of course - as a private patient you'd get little extras-like anaesthetic..."

Insurance Claims Offices: Push and Pull the Other One!

'Numb yet?'

'Was that you who screamed?' - 'No, the dentist.'

Plumbers. I said Ernie is a perfectionist, not a competent perfectionist!

REcalculating...