Love Life Satire Gifts

"My heart says no, my head says maybe, my you-know-what says yes."

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"Bottled or breast?"

'You'll marry me? Really? Then forget it! I can't be with someone who's standards are that low!'

"Our violinist isn't here tonight, but Tony here will be happy to play something romantic on his cymbals for you."

Female nail has been hammered in. Says to male nail: 'Sorry, I have a headache.'

"You're wonderful, Kimberly, and I want to be married, but I'm looking for a complete unknown."

'Let's go upstairs and make love. I can't do both.'

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

"These should help me approach your father on his own level."

"Divorced?" "Separated."

"You've always let me down in this marriage."

"It wasn't until after fifty years of marriage that Mike finally learned the importance of putting the seat down." "Happy anniversary. Now flush."

'It would never work, Shep - I'm housebroken, you're not.'

"It's unconditional love Thursday through Sunday ONLY. It's in the prenup!"

"Separate clouds, please."

'On the theory that opposites attract, do you have any beautiful, intelligent, rich girls?'

"I wanted to capture the essence of my wife when I painted her. . . I think I succeeded, doc."

"You may think you look cool, but can you actually breathe properly with that stupid cap on?"

'Fang, what do you think the chances are that I'll marry that girl second from the end on 'Deal or No Deal'?'

'We never go out. We have no social life. We have no income. We have no friends. We're sexually too compatible.'

"I don't think I'd mind so much if it was another woman."

"I was just wondering, Mr. Parker, when you planned to come by and pick up Mrs. Parker?"

'My wife keeps threatening to divorce me...unfortunately, it's only a threat.'

'Your explanation for all these business dinners with my wife better be good!'

"Also, your wife called to remind you today is the tenth anniversary of your bailout."

"It means he likes you."

'I hate it when you beg.'

We can still be friends cafe.

'My steve is terrified of commitment - he won't even subscribe to magazines.'

'Your performance in bed?...On technical merit of artistic impression?'