Good Humor Gifts

"We'll be well into January before that post-holiday smile fades."

Billy. The Kid.

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"Only one of us can be 'The Funny One'."

Aggression/Security

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

'Leap frog? No thanks- I'm a toad.'

"Today's special is we'll pull the plug on the jukebox if someone else's music annoys you."

'It's not Spring yet! Go back to sleep!'

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

"Damn it, Hopkins, didn't you get yesterday's memo?"

"Boss, can you check the address again? I have a bad feeling about this one."

Pope Kimba XXIII.

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"The test results have come back - you ARE a t**t."

"It requires so much less work than a dog."

"Such a heavenly night I spent in your bed."

'What colour is a hiccup?'

"..and you'll also need Percy here, his interpreter"

'Yes, I laugh at most things, but it doesn't mean I can't have a serious conversation...'

'Personally I wouldn't be seen dead in it.'

Duckumentary: 'QUACK!'

"Can we be seated under a vegan painting?"

"Before I continue, can we just lose the personal trainers?"