Loving Humor Gifts

'Yes, doctor, I'm sure his temperature is three hundred and fifty.'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

'I'm calling this a plate and I already have service for six. Six more and I can invent the dinner party.'

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

'Whoops. There goes one of my prostheses.'

"I said 'follow,' not stalk your bliss!"

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

Clown's knee reflex sends doctor through ceiling

"Care for an oxymoron?"

"Sir? - it's clowntime."

"Returns"

Safe driver.

Scientist discover a new superbug

Jackson Pollock's short-lived career as a kid's party face painter.

'You will write a book, but it won't be on Oprah's recommended list.'

"…And what do you think the cracker might represent?"

'How can you stand to listen to dozens of crazy people and stay sane?' - 'Who listens?.'

"The only way to create a sensation as an essayist these days is to write something mean bout cats."

'Personally, I think your idea of writing nursery rhymes is dumb, Mother.'

"I'm suffering from TeaParytyitis."

"It's the super - he says a lot of short American fiction has been clogging the pipes in the basement."

"I love you the way the French love Jerry Lewis."

Wanted: dishwasher or handsome rich guy.

"You're not in the gym Gary!"

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

Road signs of Aging

Ian Fleming

'He thinks he's the cat's meow ever since he was made department head.'

The Old Man and the Noodle.

"He and I connected physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, humorously, technologically, and self-destructively."

'Well, in all my years as a relationships adviser, this is the first time I've had to admit defeat within the first five minutes!'