Casual Humor Gifts

"See, somebody stole my car and left my cheap radio."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'She'll never look for me here.'

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

"How are you enjoying the job?" "Oh, Ilove the job...it's the work that I hate."

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

'My philosophy is that the bigger you are, the smaller the desk you need.'

"It's amazing! There's even a place to put your beer!"

'Huge waves, loose shorts and a body like a gourd. I was never going to make it through summer without a serious privacy breach.'

"I've got a very responsible job. If anything goes wrong, I'm responsible."

'This one is for not intervening in countries that don't threaten us.'

'Bradley takes cyberloafing to a whole new level.'

'What colour is a hiccup?'

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

Man with t-shirt 'I *spade* my dog'.

'My member requires some interest.'

"Sir, you said that it's high time to fix the problem, so I rearranged the furniture, watered the flowers and made fresh coffee. If that wasn't enough then maybe we should find some problems that fit our solutions."

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'

'Was it your idea to have it catered?'

'Yes of course he can borrow my lawn mower just as long as he only uses it in my garden...'

"This was the best school day of the week!"

'Who wants to play celebrity rant?'

'Take it for stress. It helps to laugh at yourself.'

"Dude, don't say it..."

Ed's Pizza and the Cardiology Clinic.

Take up karate and learn how to break bricks with your cast.

"Oh, sure, I remember him. He was quiet, mostly kept to himself, paid the rent on time. You know, we were only married for sixteen years."

'Company wargames weekend 1986.'

Starbucks closing 600 stores with 12,000 job cuts.