Casual Comic Gifts

'Your tonsils don't look good, but that's okay. Who's going to be looking at them?'

'Huge waves, loose shorts and a body like a gourd. I was never going to make it through summer without a serious privacy breach.'

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'She'll never look for me here.'

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

"How are you enjoying the job?" "Oh, Ilove the job...it's the work that I hate."

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

"I said, 'I'm not on duty! I just came back to get my flip-flops.'"

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

'Is it urgent?'

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

'The anti-Christ can't pick up a phone?'

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

Comedy course highlights fake nose

Home Sweet Mortgage (worth more than the house).

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

"I've got a very responsible job. If anything goes wrong, I'm responsible."

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

The Cartoonists

'This one is for not intervening in countries that don't threaten us.'

"Obviously, if I have to explain the joke, it's not funny anymore..."

'I'm a Fringe performer.'

"Sir, you said that it's high time to fix the problem, so I rearranged the furniture, watered the flowers and made fresh coffee. If that wasn't enough then maybe we should find some problems that fit our solutions."

'One thing you can say about Joe, he knows when to stop!'