Casual Comic Gifts

'Your tonsils don't look good, but that's okay. Who's going to be looking at them?'

'Huge waves, loose shorts and a body like a gourd. I was never going to make it through summer without a serious privacy breach.'

The only time cats are known to laugh.

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'She'll never look for me here.'

Infinity Tavern

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

"How are you enjoying the job?" "Oh, Ilove the job...it's the work that I hate."

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

"I said, 'I'm not on duty! I just came back to get my flip-flops.'"

Jim Carrey,

John Cleese.

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

'Is it urgent?'

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

'The anti-Christ can't pick up a phone?'

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

'Oh, no, those aren't the kid's drawings. Dave is taking adult education art class.'

Spike Milligan

"Any kids here tonight? Oh, wait... I guess not...since I didn't see any on the menu."

Woody Allen

Home Sweet Mortgage (worth more than the house).

The Cartoonists

Alan Carr

"I've got a very responsible job. If anything goes wrong, I'm responsible."

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

Comedy course highlights fake nose

'This one is for not intervening in countries that don't threaten us.'

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

"Obviously, if I have to explain the joke, it's not funny anymore..."

"Sir, you said that it's high time to fix the problem, so I rearranged the furniture, watered the flowers and made fresh coffee. If that wasn't enough then maybe we should find some problems that fit our solutions."

Dawn French.