Habitual Jokester Gifts

'OK, OK, I'll make sure I replace the loo roll from now on!'

"Sister Maria has a bet every day...she has a habit!"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

A crab with a utility knife claw

The Female Brain and The Other One

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Priest with the Pet Devil.

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

Men dancing

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Leaving cards.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"You idiots … we lost!"

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

Athen's Theater. "Oedipus Rex" didn't test well as a title, Sophocles. How would you feel about calling it "My Big Fat Greek Tragedy"?

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."