Eternal Jokester Gifts

Brad Talbot - "Hey, I'm outta here."

"You're an oaf but we do need more funny people."

"Are you sure you should be on this list?!"

'I want to be buried in the smoking section!'

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

"Of course we allow smartphones, just not thumbs..."

Wet Paint: "I must not touch it....I must not touch it....I must not touch it..."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

A crab with a utility knife claw

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'He never listened to his mother!'

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

'Lift off, we have lift off...'

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"You idiots … we lost!"

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

'Existential truckstop'

Man passes Holistic Health Clinic and sees Holistic Donuts.

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.

Interrupted Shower.

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."