Classic Jokester Gifts

'So we can fing out what is wrong with you granddad, I've asked him to bring in a couple of stools!'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Romulus and Remus ( and their brother Derek )

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

Henry's music career was ruined when a frog jumped into a glass of gin, and then jumped into his tuba where it is now permanently lodged.

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"You idiots … we lost!"

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"