Classicist Jokester Gifts

Romulus and Remus ( and their brother Derek )

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

"I cross the road to forget."

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

'Tender and Juicy.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

"Sorry, kid, the nutrition nannies threatened to shut me down if I didn't change from chocolate to tofu Easter eggs."

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

'Someday, you'll be a big star!'

Summer Reading

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

Pantomimes Are Lousy Painters. . .

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."

'Uncle Oog isn't very smart, but he's a lot of fun to play horsie with.'

"An olive or a twist?"

Nobody was really sure why the deceased spirit kept spelling out the word 'soapdish'.

'Murder my spouse? Oh, that's nothing but an old wives' tale.'

'So we can fing out what is wrong with you granddad, I've asked him to bring in a couple of stools!'

Too-Humble Pie.

'Wait! -- We'll never develop a meaningful relationship if you keep knocking me unconscious!'