Classicist Jokester T-Shirts

Romulus and Remus ( and their brother Derek )

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"I cross the road to forget."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

Athen's Theater. "Oedipus Rex" didn't test well as a title, Sophocles. How would you feel about calling it "My Big Fat Greek Tragedy"?

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

"Sorry, kid, the nutrition nannies threatened to shut me down if I didn't change from chocolate to tofu Easter eggs."

'Tender and Juicy.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

Pantomimes Are Lousy Painters. . .

Summer Reading

"An olive or a twist?"

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

'Someday, you'll be a big star!'

"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

'Uncle Oog isn't very smart, but he's a lot of fun to play horsie with.'

Early Selfies

Nobody was really sure why the deceased spirit kept spelling out the word 'soapdish'.

'Murder my spouse? Oh, that's nothing but an old wives' tale.'

'So we can fing out what is wrong with you granddad, I've asked him to bring in a couple of stools!'

Too-Humble Pie.

"Have you seen my sticks?"