Literary Jokester Gifts

"This book club isn't fun anymore."

Summer Reading

"An olive or a twist?"

Deconstruction Workers

Seriously, we don't have any "selfie-help" books.

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

Moby Butt

The Ancient Mariner: 'Hey, not enough salt on these peanuts...'

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

'Tender and Juicy.'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Fakins IT.

"Bad news, you have bookworms"

"I've found a new way to get rid of rivals, son. I start reading poetry and they just go away without a fight..."

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

A couple dressed as a knife and a fork

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

'Actually, I do mind wearing your pedometer!'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

"Pretty impressive for a product of a 3-D printer."

Speech-bubble-head-boy loves think-bubble-head-girl.

William, have I ever told you you're the wings beneath my wind?

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Leaving cards.

'I now pronounce you hooked and booked.'

"With other dates I've been on, long walks on the beach seemed like a cliche, but with you it really feels genuine."

"I'm gonna talk to her. How's my breath?"