Ironic Jokester Gifts

Too-Humble Pie.

Freezing Penguins

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

The Female Brain and The Other One

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Leaving cards.

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"You idiots … we lost!"

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

The Principal of Inertia.

Broad Minded

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

"I hope your day is going bad."

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

The disgusting, embarrassing sound of a whoopie cushion...

Interrupted Shower.

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.

'Tender and Juicy.'