Habitual Jokester Pillows

'OK, OK, I'll make sure I replace the loo roll from now on!'

"Sister Maria has a bet every day...she has a habit!"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

The Female Brain and The Other One

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

Priest with the Pet Devil.

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

Men dancing

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Leaving cards.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

"You idiots … we lost!"

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

"Sorry, kid, the nutrition nannies threatened to shut me down if I didn't change from chocolate to tofu Easter eggs."

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."