Traditional Humorist Gifts

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

"You're going to hate yourself."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

Football Chameleon

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

History of Cartooning.

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

"Cassius Clay....Muhammad Ali....was one name his chatroom nickname or user name?"

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

'The crepes of wrath.' 'Joad's mobile pancake store.'

Murphy bed...Murphy.

Three-way mirror

Alpine Pipe

'This is the Rabbi's favourite.'

Gunswinger

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

Dion hires an image consultant: Ineresting. Now let's try Western and then Hip-Hop.

Sheepdog

"Hi Honey, I'm Holmes"

Early American Think Tank.

"It's alright for you - I'm a fictional character."

New Belief Systems

"Shaketh."

"Back from hunting with nothing again?"

Giraffe painter.

"Sorry, kid, the nutrition nannies threatened to shut me down if I didn't change from chocolate to tofu Easter eggs."

My mind is like a steel trap, it's just a bit rusty.

"What's the difference between being addicted to painkillers and just really, really liking them a lot?"

"Condense this down to a series of memes and we'll take another look at it."

A Women Falls Into A Brook.