Traditionalist Humourist Gifts

'Trevor still can't get his head around the fact that Tim isn't Oxbridge.'

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

History of Cartooning.

It doesn't exist in Iran.

'This is the Rabbi's favourite.'

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

Alpine Pipe

My mind is like a steel trap, it's just a bit rusty.

"Condense this down to a series of memes and we'll take another look at it."

"Back from hunting with nothing again?"

Funeral for a Cartoonist

New Belief Systems

"Sorry, kid, the nutrition nannies threatened to shut me down if I didn't change from chocolate to tofu Easter eggs."

"It's alright for you - I'm a fictional character."

An old man with bow legs

Auroch drawing cave paintings.

Early Selfies

"OK, high jinks - if I plead guilty to high jinks how much time do I get?"

"I'm not very tech-savvy. I only recently learned that 'call or click' doesn't involve castanets."

Sir Louie the Bench-Warmer pumps up the home crowd, and the tide of battle begins to turn.

'Who ordered the caesar salad?'

Prince Charles

"At the time of the incident, I was employed in the Dunbar house as a pet."

"I'm old school. Instead of ranting on social media, I just scream in people's faces."

"Hancock, to really drive home the point, sign your name really big, followed by an angry face emoji!"

Millions of years ago there were hunters and gatherers...

Circumscision: Tips

'I wish someone would get busy and invent toothpaste and deodorant!'

Enough with the e-readers. Blasphemer! Ooh, I can carry 1,000 books at one time. Ooh, I can download books in an instant. Ohh, I can check out the first chapter without buying. But … But you can't see the cover of the book. There is no cover. So? How can I judge a book reader without seeing their cover?! Fair. Disturbing. But fair.

'Yesterday he invented the wheel, today it rolled over his foot.'

"Sure, we were dysfunctional, but, by God, we were royal."

'Coffee, doughnuts, cigarettes'

Monk and Nut Cracker

I have an awful headache. Do you have an aspirin? Not so fast, little buddy. A real man doesn't mask his symptoms with pharmaceuticals. Even if it feels like a jackhammer on his forehead, a real man grits his teeth and bears it. A real man rides it out the way he'd ride out a bucking bronco. Not everything in life is a test of my manhood. A real man would beg to differ.