Traditionalist Humourist Gifts

'Trevor still can't get his head around the fact that Tim isn't Oxbridge.'

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

It doesn't exist in Iran.

'This is the Rabbi's favourite.'

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

Alpine Pipe

Funeral for a Cartoonist

"Sorry, kid, the nutrition nannies threatened to shut me down if I didn't change from chocolate to tofu Easter eggs."

New Belief Systems

"It's alright for you - I'm a fictional character."

"Back from hunting with nothing again?"

An old man with bow legs

Auroch drawing cave paintings.

Sir Louie the Bench-Warmer pumps up the home crowd, and the tide of battle begins to turn.

"I'm not very tech-savvy. I only recently learned that 'call or click' doesn't involve castanets."

"OK, high jinks - if I plead guilty to high jinks how much time do I get?"

'Who ordered the caesar salad?'

Prince Charles

"At the time of the incident, I was employed in the Dunbar house as a pet."

"I'm old school. Instead of ranting on social media, I just scream in people's faces."

'I wish someone would get busy and invent toothpaste and deodorant!'

Millions of years ago there were hunters and gatherers...

"Sure, we were dysfunctional, but, by God, we were royal."

"Hancock, to really drive home the point, sign your name really big, followed by an angry face emoji!"

'Yesterday he invented the wheel, today it rolled over his foot.'

Circumscision: Tips

'Coffee, doughnuts, cigarettes'

Monk and Nut Cracker

In their free time, the apostles often enjoyed rousing games of "Simon Peter Says".