Traditionalist Humor Gifts

Alpine Pipe

Joe had kept the same suit for thirty-five years!

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

Commando crashes into wall, instead of through window.

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.

Cover story: Plant World.

'I was tired of my goaty, so I decided to grow a moustache...'

"We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way."

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

"Wow yes, it's a lovely garden, but I can only see flowers: not a carrot in sight..."

'This is the Rabbi's favourite.'

'Blue Fox to Swat Team: execute on my count of three and when officer O'Rourke has fastened his bootlace.'

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

New Belief Systems

"I ate something that strongly disagreed with me!"

"Sorry, kid, the nutrition nannies threatened to shut me down if I didn't change from chocolate to tofu Easter eggs."

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

Three Circles of Gardener's Hell.

An old man with bow legs

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

Green Fingers.

Monstrosa Impressus

Disappointed farmer hammers OUT OF ORDER sign into field of wilted crops.

"And that's just the tip of the iceberg."

"I'm not very tech-savvy. I only recently learned that 'call or click' doesn't involve castanets."

Important dates in Latino history: Seven years ago, the empanada was invented.

'She's stopped talking to me....She just yells that I have to grow...'

Prince Charles

"I'm old school. Instead of ranting on social media, I just scream in people's faces."

'Damocles, did I sit in the wrong chair?'

'I don't see why you can't spray your territory the same way your father did and his father before him did.'

'I thought she'd never stop talking!'