Hospitality Humorist Gifts

Your Tip So Far

'That pest in 453 is being discharged.'

'What a bargain!'

'We're really sorry!'

"I take it everything is NOT all right."

'Must be your first day--the smiley face goes on the check.'

'Tonight's defibrillator complements of the paramedics at the bar.'

'Room service!'

"Business bad I see"

Talented Waiter

"Next time you ask the maid for extra towels, be sure to tip her."

"Would you like me to change it for something else, Sir?"

'It feels warm enough to me.'

'Isn't it amazing how considerate they get when it's nearing dinner time.'

"Will this be all, sir?"

'If you need anything, here's my e-mail address.'

'But we have company coming over. Don't you think we should break out the good china?'

"Please excuse our new employee, sir--he used to work in the circus."

"The doctor's running late. Feel free to catch up on your binge watching with our waiting room TV."

"I'm in a hurry so I'll have what he's having... go take it from him!"

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

"I'd invite you in but we've got new carpets downstairs."

"We don't need waiters since we computerized our ordering process. However, I could use an extra dishwasher."

'...and don't treat the place like a hotel!'

Nightmare Hotel Tea Trolley

All Kitchen Staff: Wash hands ��' Count fingers

"Get me room service."

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

"At Hooters I'd already have three compliments on my tie!"

"Apologies for the delay. Your eggs Benedict should be up soon."

“Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show.”

The Imperfect Hostess

'Your ten percent tip.'

'Bring me the manager.' 'How would you like him, fried or boiled?.'

"No, the hotel isn't haunted, but it is fraught with awkward tipping dilemmas."