Hospitality Humor Gifts

"Buck up, go home and be nice to the new kitty."

"I sympathize. It's weird for me too."

"Your bedside health care book ... thanks for not reading it."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'I sent out for everything.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Ice Cream Surgeon

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

Cardiac Recovery.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"Valet park only"

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

Excuse me.. Are you Dog Friendly?

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

Opening the Barrel

'Couldn't you think of anything to say to Herb and Mary? They were nice enough to invite us over.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'