Hospitality Hilarity Enthusiast Gifts

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'I sent out for everything.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Ice Cream Surgeon

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

Excuse me.. Are you Dog Friendly?

Opening the Barrel

'Couldn't you think of anything to say to Herb and Mary? They were nice enough to invite us over.'

"Valet park only"

With Compliments

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

Complementary Beverages

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"Perhaps Monsieur would care for something more expensive?"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

Bed and Breakfast

A sick sandwich is in the hospital and is getting a transfusion on new Maya and Zesty Mustard.

'What do you recommend?.' 'A big tip.'