Hospitality Aficionado Gifts

"Perhaps Monsieur would care for something more expensive?"

"Great session, Doc."

'We're really sorry. We were reading the 'use by date' upside down.'

"Good news Mr Simms. Your blood pressure is down and you have a visitor."

"A touch more obsequious and you'll reach the tipping point."

"We ran out of hand sanitizer, so the chef prepared this with his feet."

'I sent out for everything.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Ice Cream Surgeon

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

Opening the Barrel

'Couldn't you think of anything to say to Herb and Mary? They were nice enough to invite us over.'

"Valet park only"

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

Excuse me.. Are you Dog Friendly?

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

Complementary Beverages

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

With Compliments

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."