Hospitality Gifts

"There are scones in the oven too, in case you're peckish."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Concierge in Heaven

'Tomorrow morning I would like breakfast in bed.'

"Lucky you. We've just had a cancelation."

'And there's extra blankets if you need them.'

'I know we asked for a room with running water,but...'

'If we gave you nice food you may not want to leave.'

'There aren't any towels in room 211.'

DIY Bed&Breakfast

'I understand the new usher is in the restaurant business.'

'What a bargain!'

'$375 a day, and there's no mint under the pillows?'

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

"I hope you have a pleasant, relaxing stay with us."

'I think they want to close up...'

Coronary Inn Hospital

SORRY. FULL HOUSE.: 'You don't look very damn sorry!'

Home cafeteria.

'Doreen's got a marvellous idea for attracting the tourists'.

'Dammit - I forgot to tip the waiter.'

"The sands are not golden."

'It's a guest tooth brush!!! You're not the only guest we've ever had, Dale!'

'You know the rules, Mr Perkins - no visitors after ten o'clock!'

I wish to complain. Someone left a chocolate on my pillow!

'Are you 'inn-experienced'?'

'You don't have to stay in a motel. I have a couch you can rent.'

'Another artisanal B&B.'

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

Posh man jumps out of a burning building into a rainstorm with a doorman holding an umbrella for him.

Bad and Breakfast.

'Good evening! I'll be your server tonight. Can I start you with the first of many 'How's everything?''

Man in small hotel room phones room service: 'Room service? Send me up more room.'

'Move? Are you kidding? With the wines the guy next door collects?'