Hospitality Pillows

"There are scones in the oven too, in case you're peckish."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Concierge in Heaven

'Tomorrow morning I would like breakfast in bed.'

"Lucky you. We've just had a cancelation."

'I know we asked for a room with running water,but...'

'And there's extra blankets if you need them.'

'There aren't any towels in room 211.'

'If we gave you nice food you may not want to leave.'

DIY Bed&Breakfast

'I understand the new usher is in the restaurant business.'

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

"I hope you have a pleasant, relaxing stay with us."

'$375 a day, and there's no mint under the pillows?'

'What a bargain!'

SORRY. FULL HOUSE.: 'You don't look very damn sorry!'

'I think they want to close up...'

"The sands are not golden."

'Dammit - I forgot to tip the waiter.'

Coronary Inn Hospital

Home cafeteria.

'It's a guest tooth brush!!! You're not the only guest we've ever had, Dale!'

'Doreen's got a marvellous idea for attracting the tourists'.

"Front desk? There are no little candies on my pillow."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"I'm in a shared room?! What kind of hole is this?"

"I'm supposed to sing you the specials. Do you want me to do that?"

'And the shower stall has to be this wide.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'This oughta slow them down.'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

Bed & Breakfast

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"Complimentary crystal ball to see when the BLT you ordered might be showing up."

Rural Life - Uninvited guests