Hospitality Enthusiast Pillows

'And there's extra blankets if you need them.'

Mattress sale

DIY Bed&Breakfast

'How nice in this age of rampant hypocrisy, false promises and hollow platitudes to find something that means exactly what it says.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'I understand the new usher is in the restaurant business.'

'I booked a room with a view.' - 'No, you didn't.' - 'Yes, I did.' - 'No, you didn't.' - 'Yes, I did!!' - 'Too late. I double clicked.'

'Anything I can get you? Tea, coffee, coats and hats?'

'Just pass them round - don't try to sell them!'

Bed and Breakfast Sign

"I'm getting a second opinion from Al's Bar and Grill."

'But you said your door was always open!'

"I don't think hot chocolate sauce on the pillows is such a good idea!"

'No, I'm afraid we're dull. But we do have two vacancies in the Kitchen.'

"It's good to see the grandkids, but they're sitting on my stumps."

"Would you mind complimenting the chef before you leave, sir? He's been very depressed recently."

'Don't worry, I can pay, the lady next door gave me the money to go away.'

"A.T.&T. sent this drink over in the hope that you'll consider switching your long-distance provider."

Restaurant deciding whether to cater or not to cater.

'I sent out for everything.'

"I know I have my thumb in your soup but don't worry. It's not hot..."

'Good evening. I am your manager and these are Gaston, our chef, Raoul, your wine steward, Andre, your waiter and wilbur, your busboy.'

"And there's no charge for using the minibar."

"Here’s your room key and mini-bar."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"Whatever you do, give the bellboy a good tip."

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

Ice Cream Surgeon

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Cardiac Recovery.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"