Hospitality Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"Please feel free to feel ill at ease while you're here."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'I sent out for everything.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Ice Cream Surgeon

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Cardiac Recovery.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

Excuse me.. Are you Dog Friendly?

Opening the Barrel

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

'Couldn't you think of anything to say to Herb and Mary? They were nice enough to invite us over.'

"Valet park only"

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

With Compliments

Complementary Beverages

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

"Perhaps Monsieur would care for something more expensive?"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

A sick sandwich is in the hospital and is getting a transfusion on new Maya and Zesty Mustard.

Bed and Breakfast

'What do you recommend?.' 'A big tip.'